Cranky old man poem

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.

Later, when t…he nurses were going through his meager possessions, They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.

 

One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man’s sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

 

And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this ‘anonymous’ poem winging across the Internet.

 

Cranky Old Man

 

What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?

What are you thinking .. . when you’re looking at me?

A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,

Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food .. . … . . and makes no reply.

When you say in a loud voice . .’I do wish you’d try!’

Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.

And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . … lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?

Is that what you’re thinking?. .Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse .you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.

I’m a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another

A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet

Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he’ll meet.

A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.

Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.

Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.

A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,

Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,

But my woman is beside me . . to see I don’t mourn.

At Fifty, once more, .. …Babies play ’round my knee,

Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.

I look at the future … . . . . I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.

And I think of the years . . . And the love that I’ve known.

I’m now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.

It’s jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigor, depart.

There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,

And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells

I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.

And I’m loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.

I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.

And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.

Not a cranky old man .

Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. …. . ME!!

 

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. We will all, one day, be there, too!

 

The best and most beautiful things of this world can’t be seen or touched. They must be felt by the heart!

Being #1 on Google for “Awesome Boobs”

So the other day I found out something interesting… apparently this blog is listed as the #1 site on Google if you search the term “Awesome Boobs”. Check it out;

1 - Google

Google “Awesome Boobs” and look at the first result.

Let’s tweet that!

I naturally found this highly entertaining and began Tweeting about it on the blog’s official twitter account @C_O_Awesome and my “public / author twitter” account @Insanity540;

2 - Twitter

…and did you know we had a twitter account?!

3 - Insanity540

I occasionally post stuff to this twitter account too… but this is also my public twitter presence so I can join in on public topics etc etc…. and talk to strangers.

So wait… how did you even learn this?!

So I guess I should probably explain how I even noticed this. Every so often I check on the blogs status to see how many views I get a day (roughly 1,500 to 2,000). I’ve noticed that where it lists “search terms” (below) these are often very similar themed terms… they all seem to be focusing on the same thing…

4 - Quick View

Similar Search terms

Ok… that seems pretty specific…. let’s look closer into that…

5 - Search Terms

wait, what are unknown search terms?!

Unknown Search Terms – Google’s encrypted search terms

So one thing to note in the above snapshot of the search terms is that whilst “awesome boob” related searches were the top item (roughly 18 searches), the total unknown search terms was 544. Those unknown items are evidence of Google’s work on protecting users privacy and masking exactly what you are searching for.

So… you post a lot of boob stuff?

No, not really. I tag the posts pretty well and I’m pretty accurate with what I list them under. Below you can see I wanted to figure out how many posts I’ve done that are “boob-related”. A quick search shows 62 posts (and we’ll laugh and ignore the tag ‘boobs that shoot acid‘).

7 - Boob Tag

perhaps I’m overly specific with my tagging… I mean what the hell are cream boobs?

So… if you do the math… if 62 posts have boobs out of the 3,370 posts that are on the blog… that means that it only makes up 1.8% of all the posts…

After thoughts … Sex Sells.

I’ve known for a while that Sex Sells (I mean just look at the most popular blog post list) and that content from the Hot Women section is highly viewed … I just never imagined it would actually result in something like this. A while ago I made a decision to dial back posting the Hot Women content for the sake of my female readers (and my missus), but now I feel an odd sense of obligation to not ignore this form of content. Trust me, I will not be going over board with this… but I am going to experiment and see what happens with views etc.

8 - CelebrateSo if you’ve read this far… and follow what I tweeted above…. here is a reward.

15 “Awesome Boob” Photos to celebrate this unique Internet title:

 

..Now that we’ve got that out of the way… we’ll return to our normal posts…

- Insanity540

The 10 most popular posts of 2013

It’s the 31st of December here in Australia… which means that 2013 is just about over. Here is a countdown of the top ten most popular posts from the year.

 

10. 21 Jump Street – Fuck you science (gif)

The reboot of this classic film was great. Of all the scenes, the ‘effects of drug use’ where they are over-confident results in Channing Tatum’s character ranting science knowledge. This awesome pair of gifs (check out the link for the whole thing) scored 3,989 views.

9. Katy Perry Elmo Shirt (gif)

Katy Perry bouncing up and down, do I need to explain it further? Seems like 4,093 people checked this out.

8. Fuck yo couch! gif

Dave Chappelle as Rick James is just one of the best pieces of skit comedy there is. This little gem of a gif got 4,951 views.

7. Jimmy Fallon & Justin Timberlake – History of Rap (Parts 1, 2 and 3)

So this post is a little bit interesting. Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake did some pretty awesome live mashups of classic rap songs. Unfortunately, the overlords at NBC in their wisdom felt that removing the clips from YouTube for people to enjoy was the way to go. I then proceeded to link only the audio versions of the files which was then viewed just shy of six thousand times with 5,991 views. Perhaps the big media companies don’t like the idea of thousands of people discovering and enjoying their content??

6. Zahia Dehar’s Ass Shake Gif

I don’t know what Zahia Dehar is selling in this video… butt it caught the eye of 6,383 people. (see what I did there?). It probably helped that someone linked it in a reddit comment.

5. Cinnamon Challenge Gifs

I was amused by the concept of people doing the ‘Cinnamon Challenge’ and this post was linked to in a Buzzfeed post which drove 6,705 visitors.

4. Pocahontas – Look at all the fucks I give (gif)

I personally love the ‘fucks I give’ meme, and this one is just really great. It seems like 6,799 other people also liked it.

3. Boba Fett doesn’t give a fuck (gif)

It wouldn’t be my blog without something Star Wars. I’m glad that this is popular and 8,439 people have liked it.

2. Random Hot Asian Women, Part 2

Even though I don’t actively post stuff into the ‘Hot Women’ category anymore, it seems that the old saying of “sex sells” is still true. It’s always really entertaining to see which search words/terms lead people to the blog. 8,685 people checked it out.

Random_Hot_Asian_Women__Part_2___Collection_of_Awesome

1. Doodle God Walkthrough / Guide

As always, the undefeated most popular post on the blog is actually something I would never expect to be insanely popular. I created the ‘Doodle God’ walkthrough / guide because I got frustrated whilst playing the iOS game and wanted to know what combinations I was missing. Turns out that a massive 31,840 people viewed this in 2013.

Doodle_God_Walkthrough___Guide___Collection_of_Awesome

Thanks!

Cheers everyone for reading. Please comment on posts, or contact us via Twitter, Facebook, Google+, and even Tumblr!

7 impressive questions to ask an interviewer

“I have been on both sides of the table for interviews and I know that as an interviewee I’m sometimes wishing I had better questions to ask interviewers. On the flip side, as an interviewer, I often find perspective applicants questions really interesting because I don’t always know what to expect” – Insanity540

1. Can you describe a typical day in this type of role?

2. How long have you been at the company and what makes you stay?

3. How would you describe the work environment and corporate culture?

4. What are some of the goals for the company in the short and longer term?

5. How would my performance be measured?

6. What types of career opportunities may open up down the road for a person starting out in this type of position, assuming they perform well?

7. What are some of the company’s initiatives regarding learning and development?

“I can honestly say that if you were to ask one or two of these, you would stand out in an interview as someone switched on” – Insanity540

Blog contributors / writers wanted!

Like the stuff that is on CollectionOfAwesome.com ?

Want to contribute ? I need some help from people that are awesome…. to share… awesome things.

How to apply:

1. Comment on this post. (use your email on the form, it won’t be published, but I can contact you that way).

2. I’ll reply and I’ll explain how to get access and give you some tips for posting.

3. Post whatever you think is awesome.

…Do it.

 

Bam.

.…also we have a Twitter account… @C_O_Awesome

CollectionOfAwesome.com

Finally decided on a new blog name; CollectionOfAwesome.com

I am super excited for 3 reasons:

  1. It is a .com address.
  2. It is a similar, yet more generic name.
  3. I have been able to set up an official Twitter and official Facebook page using the same name!

Author’s & Contributors wanted!

Ever wanted to blog but not sure how to start? find similar awesome stuff and want to share it somewhere awesome? then consider becoming an author of this blog.

I am currently looking for a few people to help me post content on this blog. All you have to do is comment on this post, or tweet to @C_O_Awesome and I’ll get in touch with you.

Why join?

  • You’ll be joining an established blog with over 1 million views and a daily audience of over 1,000 readers per day.
  • You can publish content as much or as little as possible. Don’t stress – I’m not fussed about how much stuff you write.
  • I can assist you with any questions or comments about your posts.

New blog design/layout

I have wanted to update the look of the blog for a while, but didn’t have a good reason to. I haven’t decided on this particular theme, but I will be updating it along with other areas of the blog.

Suggestions

Please comment on this page or tweet at @C_O_Awesome to let me know if you want to see more of something or anything really.

What should I rename the blog?

“I have decided that I am going to rebrand the blog, read why below”

Why change the name?

I feel like it’s time for this blog to evolve into something more. I occasionally feel a bit stupid telling people what the URL is and yeah it’s a little bit cocky. I’m not certain about the fate of the blog in the future due to what Google has done.

Suggest a new name!

That’s the point of this post – I want a new / clever name and I’m open to suggestions. I was thinking along the lines of “The Chive” or something like that. I don’t want it to focus on the writers, but the content. I dunno. Who ever suggests the best thing will have the glory of picking the next name and usher in the next generation of this blog. I’ll think about designing a specific logo and motto etc afterwards.

What did Google do?

You haven’t heard about Google Reader being shut down? Well in short, they have screwed over a lot of users (including yours truly) who love and still actively use the service.

What does that have to do with the blog?

Well I gather all the stuff I want to post via Google Reader and RSS feeds. I have a great system of saving ‘potential content’ (over 9,000 items at last count – epic DBZ reference unintentional). I would go through, decide on the best stuff/stuff I liked and post it. Now Google are killing the service, the future of all that work is in question.

New writers / Authors…

One of my better ideas was to enslave recruit some new people to help me run the blog. If it is just me by myself; the blog may eventually shut down or not be updated daily. I don’t want that, but I am also finding it hard to devote the time to do it (doubly so if Google make my life hell).

I have some people in mind, and I’m contacting them about it – but please feel free to volunteer (just post a comment and I’ll get back to you).

Happy New Year! 2013

“Sorry for the slight delay in posting this, but I’ve been pretty busy and I had to go back to work today” – Ben

nye2013

Amazing photo taken by my fiancé (more about that next)

Check out my video of the Sydney New Years 2013 fireworks finale;

“So in keeping with last years post, I’ll discuss my resolutions” – Ben

New Years Resolutions for 2012:

  1. Lose weight – Success! I managed to lose 18kg, and reach my first personal weight loss goal of being under 100kg.
  2. Catch up with old friends – Semi-Success, I’m still pretty shocking at keeping in touch with old friends; but I did manage to see quite a few people in 2012.
  3. Find some direction with my life – Failure, I found a job though I’m not certain it will be my career. I am still keen to find something awesome.
  4. Do some photography / art – Success. I completed the 365 project for 2012 (though I missed a few days).
  5. Learn a new life skill – Neutral, I kinda learnt a new language. I studied Korean throughout 2012, and while I feel like I only know 5%, I’m still happy I can read and say a few basic phrases. I want to learn more.

Bonus 2012 events:

  1. Engaged – I got engaged to my beautiful girlfriend whilst we were in Korea visiting her family. Very excited/Happy!
  2. Blog reached 1 Million views! – Still very excited about finally having that view count click over to a million; thanks everyone!
  3. Getting to be a part of one of my best friends weddings – I was really honoured and touched to be asked to be the MC at Wongsters wedding. I loved being part of it, though I was very nervous because I didn’t want to ruin their big day.

New Years Resolutions for 2013:

  1. Lose MORE weight – Now that I’ve reached my first goal (getting under 100kg), I want to reach 90kg – which I think will be a healthy weight for me. From there I can think about doing another few/5.
  2. Prepare & Plan for the wedding – This will probably be a 2013-2014 goal, but from now on I will be seriously focusing on this (obviously!)
  3. Get control of my finances – I have a few things I need to work on, and one of them is being less casual with my spending. 2012 wasn’t a good year for me money-wise, and I’m going to fix that in 2013.
  4. Do 365 Project for 2013 – Due to popular demand I will be doing the 365 project for 2013. Get excited! (you can follow me on instagram: @benjamin_lewis)
  5. Improve my Korean – So I’ve done the basics, I’ve been to Korea… now I need to practise so I can actually participate in conversations and not sit there like a goon.

What did I do for New Years Eve (2012/2013)?

  • I was fortunate this year to have access to one of the best views in Sydney – though I was very limited in the number of people I could invite.
  • I planned a very chilled NYE party which included a bathtub full of drinks:
Refreshing

Refreshing

  • I also managed to avoid the crazy amount of people in the public areas;
nye_4

The chaos that was McMahon’s Point

  • My photo #365 was a pretty cool selection of the 9pm Fireworks in Sydney;
#365

#365 – 9pm Fireworks

  • …and my sister’s photo was pretty cool too:

nye_3

Top 10 posts for 2012:

  1. Doodle God Walkthrough / Guide
  2. Boba Fett doesn’t give a fuck (gif)
  3. Cinnamon Challenge Gifs
  4. Jimmy Fallon & Justin Timberlake – History of Rap (Parts 1, 2 and 3)
  5. Facebook – Happy Birthday Meme-Style
  6. Jessica Biel’s ass (Gif)
  7. Zahia Dehar’s Ass Shake Gif
  8. Here is where I would put a fuck, if I gave one
  9. Fuck yo couch! gif
  10. Cameron Diaz from The Mask

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas in Australia

20121224-175923.jpg

“This came from the ‘shit Aussies say’ page on Facebook” – Ben

'Twas the night before Christmas; there wasn't a sound.
Not a possum was stirring; no-one was around.
We'd left on the table some tucker and beer,
Hoping that Santa Claus soon would be here;

We children were snuggled up safe in our beds,
While dreams of pavlova danced 'round in our heads;
And Mum in her nightie, and Dad in his shorts,
Had just settled down to watch TV sports.

When outside the house a mad ruckus arose;
Loud squeaking and banging woke us from our doze.
We ran to the screen door, peeked cautiously out,
Snuck onto the deck, then let out a shout.

Guess what had woken us up from our snooze,
But a rusty old Ute pulled by eight mighty 'roos.
The cheerful man driving was giggling with glee,
And we both knew at once who this plump bloke must be.

Now, I'm telling the truth it's all dinki-di,
Those eight kangaroos fairly soared through the sky.
Santa leaned out the window to pull at the reins,
And encouraged the 'roos, by calling their names.

'Now, Kylie! Now, Kirsty! Now, Shazza and Shane!
On Kipper! On, Skipper! On, Bazza and Wayne!
Park up on that water tank. Grab a quick drink,
I'll scoot down the gum tree. Be back in a wink!'

So up to the tank those eight kangaroos flew,
With the Ute full of toys, and Santa Claus too.
He slid down the gum tree and jumped to the ground,
Then in through the window he sprang with a bound.

He had bright sunburned cheeks and a milky white beard.
A jolly old joker was how he appeared.
He wore red stubby shorts and old thongs on his feet,
And a hat of deep crimson as shade from the heat.

His eyes – bright as opals – Oh! How they twinkled!
And, like a goanna, his skin was quite wrinkled!
His shirt was stretched over a round bulging belly
Which shook when he moved, like a plate full of jelly.

A fat stack of prezzies he flung from his back,
And he looked like a swaggie unfastening his pack.
He spoke not a word, but bent down on one knee,
To position our goodies beneath the yule tree.

Surfboard and footy-ball shapes for us two.
And for Dad, tongs to use on the new barbeque.
A mysterious package he left for our Mum,
Then he turned and he winked and he held up his thumb;

He strolled out on deck and his 'roos came on cue;
Flung his sack in the back and prepared to shoot through.
He bellowed out loud as they swooped past the gates-
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all, and goodonya, MATES!'